Okay, other thoughts on my mind...how much time should one really spend on blogging? My husband already thinks I spend way too much time on the computer; I really do, and doing what? Just waiting on someone to email me, shopping for things I can't afford...
Why do kids not eat anything I fix. I give them what they ask for and then they don't eat it.
Why Twitter? Why not pick pick up the phone and actually talk to someone about what you are doing? Seems that people don't really get together anymore b/c they broadcast their life on the internet - such as this - so why bother talking or seeing anyone when you can do it virtually? Crazy.
And that takes me to the friendship issue. I've been terribly down in the dumps for about two months, not really caring about anything - like paying the bills, doing laundry, cleaning the house, eating healthy, working out, being overall responsible. I've basically lost my passion for everything I used to love. It has been effecting my health and preventing me from making a dent in losing this weight and having a better outlook about myself and caring for the boys. So I visit my therapist, thinking that I need to get back on the happy pills. About 10 minutes into our conversation, the friendship card is played and I cried hard for the next hour.
I have never had such a hard time finding my place in life until I became a mother. I've never been the most popular person around, but I've always had a place and belonged...somewhere. I've never had to put so much effort into being a friend as I've had to do these last five years of my life. In my visit with my therapist, she explained to me that this is the time of life when women need close, intimate relationships...without that, we are not really complete and just feel like we are going through the motions of life, but not being fulfilled in any way. That close, intimate relationship is what I crave.
Of all the people that have come and gone lately, there are four people that I am closest to. These ladies know the darkest parts of me, but still accept all of me and for that I am so grateful. But what doesn't work for me is that I don't see them all the time, and I'm one of those people who needs to be around people. I need to be able to help someone and do for them. And I need that back. I often feel that I'm the only one who reaches out, but no one reaches out for me. As soon as I stop reaching, I give up and the relationship dies. So I'm told to not give up so easily. I'll work on not giving up. However, for those people that I've reached to and reached and have gotten nothing back, it's not worth pursuing.
The other thing I'm working on is not feeling like I have to fit in everywhere and with every situation. There are some groups of people that I just won't click with and I've always plaqued myself with why do I not fit? It's simple...I just don't. Move on.
Wow, that feels better.
3 comments:
Very Pretty! Congratulations! We had a great time today...wore the boys out.
Reach out and touch someone. But keep your hands off my butt.e
There shall be no touching of butts on this blog!
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